Have you ever felt like a cartoon character? Yesterday I felt like the Abominable Snowman from the claymation cartoon Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. (If you haven't ever seen it, put it on your schedule for viewing this Christmas.) The day started off like any normal Sunday, going to work from 8am-2pm and coming home for a 30 minute nap that was rudely interrupted by the urge to pee...AGAIN (I practically live in the bathroom). As soon as I woke up, it began. I was on a war path to get things done and I was CRANKY. Nate and I worked on getting the whole house cleaned and the rest of the nursery painted. My fuse was short and I was determined to finish what I wanted to accomplish in just a few short hours. I had a lot on my mind and I carried it around with me as we worked. Everything was adding up to what would be one big breakdown.
My butt seems to continue to grow daily (which creates quite the profile for a 5'3" short-waisted pregnant woman), I have this nagging, underlying fear that at any moment something could happen to the babies, I hadn't felt them in three days (today is going on four), I had heard one too many times about how much paint I had gotten on the floor while painting, every dustball and fur-ball I swept up made me increasingly irritated, every item that was not mine that I had to put away lessened my patience and I was missing the connection that Nate and I had before my mind and body had become all consumed by pregnancy. Oh, and to top it all off, after all of that I watched the ending of the movie Juno and balled my eyes out. I just want the babies to be okay. I just want to meet them. When I look back on it, I remind myself of the 2,000 pound fat, furry monster that waddles around after his prey with his arms raised, screeching at the top of his lungs.
Then we went to dinner and I took a small breath.
When we got home and it was time for bed, I lost it. I was reenacting the point in Rudolph where the Abominable Snowman softens his heart, cries big giant claymation tears and becomes friends with all the villagers. He even puts the star on the top of the Christmas tree because none of the elves or reindeer can reach it (sorry if I ruined the end for you). I apologized for getting paint on the floor, I told Nate about the anxiety about my butt and the babies, and I decided that if anything goes wrong with the pregnancy that I would go to the Gulf and help clean the poor oil soaked animals (that's been on my mind too). Nate was calm and kind as usual, assured me that I could go clean the animals if something goes wrong, and commended me for being so good at doing such an important job, carrying our babies. The phrase "Coo Coo for Coa Coa Puffs" comes to mind. I was (am) completely OUT of my mind. I could've cried for hours, but I made myself fall asleep.
The funny thing is, I still feel like I could cry at any moment today. A good friend continues to remind me that "It's just one of many (breakdowns) to come", so at least I know it's normal.
On the up-side, my house is clean, the nursery is finished, Nate is organizing the basement, I went to the store, baked cookies, started mapping out our financial future, took two naps today, wrote this blog and some dear friends are coming over for dinner on the patio in an hour. I'm still waddling around, but I have yet to raise my arms and screech at the top of my lungs...it's a good day for the villagers.
I love your writing - you have a way of putting your feelings into words and it's so great to read. Hang in there - unfortunately that it's normal sometimes doesn't help it be less frustrating. Sounds like you guys are very productive over there! Praying for you, the babies and Nate!
ReplyDeleteThat's so true Terri. I hate to act/feel this way sometimes even though it's common. Thank you for your prayers.
ReplyDeleteThrow your arms in the air and run around screaming! You are entitled and it might just feel good!
ReplyDeleteKelci, I haven't read your blog in a few days...I am just reading it now, I know it will probably do me no good to tell you You're entitled to a growing butt! You're pregnant-with TWO babies :) It will all come off when you're done anyways....it may take time, but it will :)
ReplyDeleteJust remember to breathe throughout the pregnancy. Keep yourself healthy (rest, eat etc) You mentioned being concerned about the babies, when you don't feel them move it can be very trying especially when you have done literally EVERYTHING to get them to move (cookie, juice pushing to and fro on belly) and once they finally decide to wake up and move around...you're like THANK YOU!!!! -They have tests that you can have done (fetal monitoring) if you feel concerned just call and say you're a little concerned and see if you can come in and check them out...I found with Sierra, she liked to nap in there a LOT!! You get relief and you get get to hear your lil ones in there :)
Stay positive, Cry all you want hun!!!
I have to say, I love being entitled to tantrums, weight gain and worries. It makes it so much more bearable because I have NO control over any of them. Thank you guys for your comments. They REALLY help!
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