I have had the priveledge of being able to work through my pregnancy. I have a wonderful boss and supportive coworkers that make it possible for me to work from home when necessary. Althoug, I'd rather be in the office, out with people or at the church, there have been days where my body was not having it. As I approach my babies birth, my body is giving up and giving into more and more pain. BUT, today (much like many days of being in my house all day) I made myself aware of all of the joy around me while in my physical pain.
Today was a darker, rainy day which made it more quiet than most. I was so happy to look over at my window where my kitties sit and look outside and see them watching the rain drops come down as tranquil as can be. They probably have the most boring life ever (sleeping and being held captive inside) and yet they are as happy as can be. I've had more physical pain, boredom and anxiety in my life these last few months than I was prepared for, but I've had the best experiences with friends, family and the Lord than I ever could have imagined.
Being a person who loves accomplishment, I've learned how fast I let life fly by when I'm opporating at full capacity. Never do I stop and watch the rain, or enjoy the love and kind words of a loved one to the ultimate. Recieving help from friends and encouragement from people I haven't seen in years has penetrated my heart in such a way that I believe I am changed forever. I view the world differently, and I actually hear people when they are talking to me. I listen and soak it in more than ever before. Life is facinating now that I'm forced to watch it rather than run through it.
I have endured quite a bit of emotional pain in the past and the physical pain that I'm experiencing now is nothing to deny. We all have times of pain, and the level or extent of it does not take away from it's validity. I'm quite aware that my current circumstance pales in comparison to the pain others have experienced, but I have to believe that when we're looking we will find joy in pain. I actually believe this because I believe in Jesus and He promises there can be joy amidst suffering. He's in the life changing business, and mine is forever changed because of my short amount of time in pain. I'm fortunate because it's an end to a means. I'm praying for you who are experiencing and have experienced intense pain of any kind.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Hello, Goodbye
I'm 34 weeks in with these beautiful babies and it's time to start saying my goodbyes to all of the ailments and inconveniences of pregnancy. I would like to start with the pain. Goodbye to joint pain caused by swelling, goodbye to the pelvic pain that makes me want to cry every time I move. Goodbye to the excruciating pain that takes over my entire body anytime I lay down and try to sleep. Goodbye to the contractions that occur at random and the feeling that my uterus is going to fall right out the bottom of my stomach if I stand up too long. Goodbye to heartburn, headaches, back pain and aching feet.
Next I would like to bid farewell to the inconveniences of not being able to bend over, squat down, clean my house, carry ANYTHING, climb the stairs at an appropriate pace, DRIVE, stand up for more than 15 minutes at a time, or sit down for more than 30 minutes without pain and swelling. I long for the day when my average amount of visits to the restroom in a 24 hour period does not exceed 15, when I don't have to hydrate like my life depended on it, and I can eat like a normal person again and not feel like one wrong choice will kill my babies. It will be amazing when I'm no longer noticed on the street for my absurdly large stomach and comical waddle but for my sweet, cutie babies. I hope to never enter another maternity store for the rest of my life, and can't wait to button my pants when I put them on. Seeing my feet again while standing up will be great and sitting in a ladylike position instead of like I'm in hospital stirrups all day will be very comforting. Also, full range of motion in all extremities will be quite a treat.
On the other hand I would like to say hello to my water breaking, the crazy car ride to the hospital, the Operating Room, followed by a C-section, and finally the sweet sounding cries of my two little bundles. I would like to say hello to hard recovery from surgery but the satisfaction of seeing their faces every day. Hello to the pain of breast feeding/pumping and to the benefits to my body and theirs. Hello, to exercising, sleeping in the same bed as my husband, sleeping for more than one hour at a time (even though it may only be three to four at a time if I'm lucky), my family coming to see the new additions, the holidays...
I'm starting to become more of an impatient person and I experienced a bit of depression today because I feel like they should be done in there. God knows when they're ready and I know He's gonna bring them in His time. But I'm ready now, I'm done...far from over it. I had to blog tonight to blow off some steam before attempting to fall asleep again. It's never going to end...is it? (That's how I feel.)
Next I would like to bid farewell to the inconveniences of not being able to bend over, squat down, clean my house, carry ANYTHING, climb the stairs at an appropriate pace, DRIVE, stand up for more than 15 minutes at a time, or sit down for more than 30 minutes without pain and swelling. I long for the day when my average amount of visits to the restroom in a 24 hour period does not exceed 15, when I don't have to hydrate like my life depended on it, and I can eat like a normal person again and not feel like one wrong choice will kill my babies. It will be amazing when I'm no longer noticed on the street for my absurdly large stomach and comical waddle but for my sweet, cutie babies. I hope to never enter another maternity store for the rest of my life, and can't wait to button my pants when I put them on. Seeing my feet again while standing up will be great and sitting in a ladylike position instead of like I'm in hospital stirrups all day will be very comforting. Also, full range of motion in all extremities will be quite a treat.
On the other hand I would like to say hello to my water breaking, the crazy car ride to the hospital, the Operating Room, followed by a C-section, and finally the sweet sounding cries of my two little bundles. I would like to say hello to hard recovery from surgery but the satisfaction of seeing their faces every day. Hello to the pain of breast feeding/pumping and to the benefits to my body and theirs. Hello, to exercising, sleeping in the same bed as my husband, sleeping for more than one hour at a time (even though it may only be three to four at a time if I'm lucky), my family coming to see the new additions, the holidays...
I'm starting to become more of an impatient person and I experienced a bit of depression today because I feel like they should be done in there. God knows when they're ready and I know He's gonna bring them in His time. But I'm ready now, I'm done...far from over it. I had to blog tonight to blow off some steam before attempting to fall asleep again. It's never going to end...is it? (That's how I feel.)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Laid Up While Knocked Up
In anticipation of these two little bundles, every once in a while I still feel the need to vent about the small hurdles that will make it all worth while. My joy is overwhelming when I imagine what it will be like to meet our babies, but the frustration that comes with housing them for these months still gets the best of me. We’re in week 31 right now. The babies are doing wonderful, praise God, and I’m healthy as well. However, the body transformations are far from over.
Have you ever seen, or even owned those small plastic capsules that you put into water as a kid and all of the sudden it turns into an animal shaped sponge? Or how about those packs of underwear that are given at showers and birthday parties as a gag gift? They are packaged up into a 2” by 2” square and after 12-24 hours in the water they’re a flaming pair of boxers with hearts on them? Well, that’s what I am experiencing with my feet and hands on a daily basis.
I’m slightly swollen all over, but if I spend more than 10-20 minutes on my feet…poof…I’m a sponge. So, I’ve taken to sitting even more, WHICH, if you know me at all, is NOT my favorite thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, I love to relax a little at the end of each day to get ready for the next, but typically efficiency and mobility are my two go-to drugs. For all of you who have ever been instructed to take it easy or sit down more, or (bless your souls) be on bed rest, you know the amount of discipline it takes to just sit around.
Fortunately I am still able to work and do small tasks around the house. Being in public is a sight to see. If I need to get anything at the store, I go to the stores that have those little scooters with the baskets on the front. That’s right…I ride around the store gathering my items with my stomach in the passenger seat. I get a variety of stares, ranging from “ what is her deal” to “ oh, poor thing”. My best friends just told me the other day that she loves going out in public with me. She chuckled this out loud after watching someone give me the twice over as we were walking to her car in the parking lot.
It has become comical at this point. I’m too happy about the babies coming soon to be mad about it anymore. The best is when I’m sitting on the couch and one foot is tilted on its side I find it has taken on a whole new shape when I lift it up again. It really is like the plastic capsules, part of the thrill is waiting to see which shape is going to come out next. The babies get a “kick” out of it too, ha ha…they are moving around like little champs in there.
Have you ever seen, or even owned those small plastic capsules that you put into water as a kid and all of the sudden it turns into an animal shaped sponge? Or how about those packs of underwear that are given at showers and birthday parties as a gag gift? They are packaged up into a 2” by 2” square and after 12-24 hours in the water they’re a flaming pair of boxers with hearts on them? Well, that’s what I am experiencing with my feet and hands on a daily basis.
I’m slightly swollen all over, but if I spend more than 10-20 minutes on my feet…poof…I’m a sponge. So, I’ve taken to sitting even more, WHICH, if you know me at all, is NOT my favorite thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, I love to relax a little at the end of each day to get ready for the next, but typically efficiency and mobility are my two go-to drugs. For all of you who have ever been instructed to take it easy or sit down more, or (bless your souls) be on bed rest, you know the amount of discipline it takes to just sit around.
Fortunately I am still able to work and do small tasks around the house. Being in public is a sight to see. If I need to get anything at the store, I go to the stores that have those little scooters with the baskets on the front. That’s right…I ride around the store gathering my items with my stomach in the passenger seat. I get a variety of stares, ranging from “ what is her deal” to “ oh, poor thing”. My best friends just told me the other day that she loves going out in public with me. She chuckled this out loud after watching someone give me the twice over as we were walking to her car in the parking lot.
It has become comical at this point. I’m too happy about the babies coming soon to be mad about it anymore. The best is when I’m sitting on the couch and one foot is tilted on its side I find it has taken on a whole new shape when I lift it up again. It really is like the plastic capsules, part of the thrill is waiting to see which shape is going to come out next. The babies get a “kick” out of it too, ha ha…they are moving around like little champs in there.
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