I’m Missing My Hinge!

Before I was pregnant I used to love watching pregnant women walk around. There’s a certain waddle that every women acquires, whether it’s slight or obvious. All you can think when you see them is, “WOW, that looks heavy, they should sit down”. The best part is when they do sit down. Instead of squatting down a bit and leading themselves into the chair with their backside, they must now lead with their arms. It’s like their playing one of those team building games when you stand with your back to another person and cross your arms in front of you in order that the person behind you will catch you when you lean back…remember those? It’s awful! It’s a toss up every time they reach back for the seat. Of course some seats are easier to get into than others, and getting onto a stool is just laughable. (I’m laughing out loud to myself right now.)
Now, of course I’m in the same boat and it goes beyond just sitting down. Any time I can’t reach down to get something or get my shoes on without contorting my leg into some acrobatic pose, I just thing “I’m missing my hinge” (a.k.a. my waist). It’s hilarious! (I’m still laughing out loud.) The best one yet for me is when I’m in a public restroom that has a low toilet. Sitting down on one of those is always a gamble. It’s literally either a hit or a miss. And if there is nothing to hang onto on your way down towards it…you sure aren’t going to be leading with your hands like you would in a normal chair. I’m not touching that. If it wasn’t so crude and inappropriate someone should video that scenario and send it into America’s Funniest Home Videos. That would win the 100K.

Getting out of a chair is a whole other story. Getting out of or off of anything (a bed, a car, a couch etc.) is a feat. Each one takes it’s own system for each stage of development. Right now I’m still getting by with scooting to the edge of whatever it is I’m on and using the momentum from leaning back and pushing off with my arms behind or beside me. I take more of the beached whale approach when getting out of bed (just role and tumble). Asking for assistance anytime someone is near is another strategy. But I can just picture, toward the end of my pregnancy when I’m huge, running errands and being in a public parking lot, having to wait in my car until some stranger passes by who is nice enough to help a pregnant lady get out of her car. That is, if I can even fit behind the steering wheel by then.